I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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