My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
