The maid of honor just puked.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
