That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
