obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Never underestimate the power of titties
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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