i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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