my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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