Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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