I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
