How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
