I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
