today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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