allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
