New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
