My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She needs sedatives and a leash
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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