I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
