she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
