I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
