I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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