Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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