Your mouth is God's brothel.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
