The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
