Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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