P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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