I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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