I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
