his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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