how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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