I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
