Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It was confusing and full of hummus
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
