Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
