Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
