I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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