Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
