i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
