If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
