So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
