i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
