You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
