I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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