i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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