chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
