i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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