My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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