my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize