I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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