I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she smelled like a LAN party
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
