But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
