We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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