Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
These tits shall not be calmed
I use my feet as sexual weapons
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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