he puts the penis in happiness.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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