Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
