I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
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If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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