I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
