i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
