Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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