If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
