Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
