I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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