no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
