i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
