Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
