just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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