Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
