i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
