think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
