Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
