I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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