My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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