I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I love having hate sex.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
